Madness and joy at la Casa de los Amigos.

Dear friends! WHAT a mad two weeks it has been. Whoops! So sorry for leaving you all out in the relative cold like this. Oh my goodness. Well, you can all take comfort in the fact that no blog entries means I'm too busy with being happy and occupied to write much. Okay so, what can we say about the last couple of weeks?

My babies and me doing some super fun English learning.

Actividades at Barrio Activo wrapped up, and we're almost at the end of their week of relative vacation before their curso de verano (summer camp, essentially) starts up on the 18th. I had a great last couple of classes. The kids are super amazing, and they learned so readily and with good honda. When I told them what inteligente and wonderful students I had, they replied that they had a good teacher :) Oh my. So it went super great, and I came up with more games for us to play, and they asked to learn some things I hadn't thought of like months of the year and all that. Super fantastic, and I can't wait for the next time I get to do something like this. Tee hee. Brenda and Joey's dance class went super well, too. I love that really, for the most part, the people of Barrio Activo just don't embarrass easily. Everyone goes for it, just for funsies. I need to loosen up I think. Anyway, that was tons of fun.


So let's see. That weekend and the following week (Saturday July 2 through Thursday July 7) was pretty chill. I made some new friends in the guest lounge, worked in reception, and taught my class at Barrio Activo. Oh - so it was actually really busy, okay. But yeah. Something pretty cool that happened is that I met Juan Carlos, un salvadoreño who had gotten out of three months of internment at migración about three days before I met him. We talked for like a while that night, I don't even know about what. What El Salvador is like, and trying to explain about my Spanish host family, and doing a bunch of English clarification, looking at a map of the world, explaining about how I live at Haverford and my fam lives in State College, why he left El Salvador... tons of things. Pretty cool. Still felt like I should keep him at an arm's length, but it was a cool night. We ended up talking a lot over the next few days, and he's become, yeah, a pretty good friend over the last couple of weeks. I find myself wanting to hear all of his stories. He comes from a pretty different place, with a pretty different set of experiences. I find myself pretty distracted from the rest of life at the Casa, mostly just wanting to hang out with him, learn about his life and his country, practice Spanish, and walk around the citay. So yeah. Pretty cool new connection. I've also become friends with his friends who are here (they were all in migración together), and we've all shared food and cooked together and it's been pretty awesome.

Best margaritas in the world.

So my mom got here last Thursday afternoon. WOW can't believe it's been a whole week since then. Time really flew by when she was here, and then it felt like it was time for a weekend, but really it's just been a full work week. Crazy. So it was AWESOME to have her here. I felt like we got a lot done in what a lot of people thought was a pretty short amount of time. I went to pick her up at the airport on Thursday (almost an hour late, of course. I told her that the third time will be the charm - I'll actually be on time to pick her up when visiting me in a foreign country), and after a few minutes of worried searching, found her walking towards me in international arrivals. Yaaayyyyy what joy! Easy and safe taxi ride back to the casa, quickly dropped her stuff, introduced her to a bunch of the crowd, and heading right back out to the cierre de actividades at Barrio Activo. She met a bunch of the team, and I was pretty stoked to witness her and Linet meeting for the first time. There's a lot of mutual appreciation going on there between two incredible ladies, and I was so happy to see as much excitement between the two of them as I'm used to witnessing between my mom and Robin and Mesa. Oh, Linay, my wonderful wonderful wifey.

La cierre de actividades.

SO. We went to BA, and it was pretty awesome. A little rough because we hadn't gotten a chance to eat, and todo el mundo seemed to assume my mom would understand them when they started speaking to her in rapid Spanish. But obviously that community is just so wonderful, I think they made her feel pretty welcome. I still marvel at how loving and accepting they are of me - I was asked to talk a little bit about what we'd done in my English class, and was pretty nervous for a second before I remembered that I know how to speak Spanish. Ha. But so it was super cool. My kids introduced themselves to the crowd in Spanish and English, and I was super proud of each and every one of them. Joey and Brenda's dance class did their thing, and brought the crowd up to dance in a bug grupo after they finished their number. Sandwiches, joking around with Erick and Edgar, and exchanging some really sweet words with Patti rounded out the afternoon. We got home to community dinner in the Casa.

Chatting with some niñas on top of the Sun.

Mom and the Moon.

Next day we started off with fancy breakfast near the Zócalo with Hayley and Sasha, then hit up the Templo Mayor and the Palacio Nacional before encontraring a bus to the Anthro Museum. Met up with William there to walk around and look at cool old stuff that he told us stories about. What a long and full and great day it was. History and delicious food and MOM. Yay. Saturday we hit up the tiangees before making the trek to the San Angel market. Super fun, loved that Mom seemed to like is as much as I hoped she would. We obviously then had to go to the fanciest little place to get the most delicious margaritas in the whole wide world, and then check out Diego Rivera's and Frida's houses across the street. Later went out for soup with basically the whole Casa team. Nom. Sunday was awesome, starting with breakfast with my wifey (Linay), and full of pyramids with Mom. Basically it was great to have her here. I thought it would be weird in the sense of worlds colliding, but she fit right in in the most wonderful, enriching way. Also, it was obviously great to be able to snuggle in for a head rub pretty much whenever I wanted. What an incredible lady she is, friends. If you aren't friends with my mom yet, you should be.

Okay, so, my mom kicks ass. That much is clear. What else have I been doing with my time? Well, I worked kind of a lot this week, receptioning and breakfasting and things. It was coooool. I'm really trying to hang out with Lydia more, because she is also ridiculously awesome. She and Linet and i have had a couple of great outings that seem to always end in ice cream. What else? I mean, there's been some drams at the Casa lately. Last week was chock full of some weird harassment from one of the refugees, an incredibly obnoxious guest who was eating everyone's food, and the ongoing conversation about what we should do about harassment in the Casa in general. I mean, it's kind of exciting to me in the know about all this business, also pretty exhausting and kind of draining after a while.

On the way to fancy breakfast with mah ladeez.

Anthro museum with the Vanilla Gorilla.

Just chillin at Frida's house.

But it's been a super awesome weekend. Friday was pretty relejado (relaxed). In the evening Juan Carlos and I went out to the monument, which is cool anyway, but even more exciting at night apparently. It was totally full of families, kids running around through this fountain with all these cool lights, and couples being totally inappropriate and hilarious amidst the choas. We just stood for a while, talking, taking it all in. Pretty cool. Then we hit up Noche y Día and had the best time tomandoing beers and joking around with the waiter. Generally a kick ass night. Then Saturday Linet and I basically did a repeat of what mom and I did last weekend - tiangees first to stock up on food supplies, then a couple of errands for Nico, then the MetroBus out to San Angel. Suuuuuuper awesome. We just had the greatest time walking around, trying on pretty much everything we saw, etc. Hit up the San Angel Inn for those legendary margaritas, only got a lil tipsy, you know, and headed home with various mission accomplished and a list of things to do once we regrouped.

So, we gathered up more of a group (added Sasha and the Vanilla Gorilla to the mix) and headed out to the Alameda to search for sandals, take in the view from the Sears café across the street from Bellas Artes, and generally enjoy the Saturday evening madness that happens there. Back to the Casa one more time for everyone to change and get ready, then a bunch of us went out to a pretty awesome bar that is a favorite among the Casa team. Pretty much an awesome night with all kinds of friends and delicious cervezas. Today's been pretty relejada - finally slept for the always-desired ten hours, made some lunch with my centroamericano friends, and attended a chat with some ex-guerilleras exploring how to process and express the role they played in Mexico's history. My goal now is to commit to some solid me-time (I have yet to write those postcards I've had in my drawer for the last six weeks), get a bunch of sleep tonight, and be rested and present for the first day of Barrio's curso de verano tomorrow. I also promise you all more insightful, relfective, and interesting entries to come. Like I said, I've become crazy busy with Casa stuff, and also pretty distracted from my previous commitments by super fun new social things. That's left little to no time for myself - something I'm really bad a prioritizing. But I have plans to get better at it, and I've made a date with the blogosphere for tomorrow at 9 pm, so we'll see how that goes. For now, just thought I owed you all a much-delayed update on the general activities that have been keeping me away form you all. I super hope everyone's summers are going well, and I sent you lots of love and light across the miles.

Big hugs,
Annie

Pedagogy and potential best friendships.

Hurray Hurray. So I left you all at the dining room table on the night of Monday the 27th, eating delicious chicken broth soup (with rice and garbanzo beans and a hint of lime juice... p.s. Mexico is making limes an absolute requirement for my life I think). This morning I awoke from some crazy dreams involving an attempt to get onto some sort of Haverford team that focused on being funny. But in like a really organized way. Whatever I was really stressed about it, which made me less funny and therefore hurt my chances, but then when I tearfully explained to the team that I was nervous and felt like they weren't listening to me, it evolved into this big tearful heart to heart between everyone, with like really big hugs from people I've never actually talked to at Haverford, but were totally in this club thing. Also, we then went to play around in one of those big pits full of plastic balls that they have at places like Chuck E. Cheese, and while lolling around in there I wrote no less than three really awesome songs, that of course I couldn't remember when I woke up. Slash I think this actually happened on Monday morning. But anyway. Isn't that weird? Slash just goes to show, open and honest communication is usually the best bet. HA.

Okay, so that was a digression. Whoops. So this morning I had several things on the table: 1) Finish blog entry #16. 2) Write post cards (still has totally not happened). 3) Work on my lesson plan for Barrio. 4) E-mail important people (whoops. failing). 5) Check-in with Hayley. 6) Meet William at the Museo de antropología a las 2. WOW. Okay, so I went downstairs and Sasha had exactly as many oatmeal pancakes left over as I wanted, which was great. I chatted with Hayley, picked up the key to the azotea (roof, my new favorite spot) and settled into lesson planning. So where I left off last time: general rules I try to tell the kids each time. Basically I spent some time today trying to create worksheets and think through how to make them both helpful and relevant. Señor Ramsey is totally my model, as the absolute best Spanish teacher I've ever had. In normal class I pretty much don't approve of worksheets as they can so easily devolve into busywork that the teacher hasn't thought through very carefully, but for learning Spanish they were totally the perfect learning tool for me. Señor Ramsey literally never spoke in English, but each time we learned a new rule, it was explained in English on the worksheet, and he had one of us read it aloud. Then we practiced the rule a million times, and in different ways, until it sunk in and became part of our body of Spanish knowledge. I'm also pretty sure that he introduced new verb tenses into his daily speech as we learned them - but not before. How ridiculous is that?

Anyway, so I'm trying to be him, in some ways, essentially. So that was really fun today - practicing numbers and colors and more vocabulario all in one. And these rules that are so important:

1)   En inglés, muchas letras tienen sonidos diferentes que en el español.

a.     Por ejemplo, en inglés la letra “i” suena como “ay,” no como la letra “i” en español.

2)   En inglés, las palabras no se pronuncian exactamente como se escriben.

a.     Por ejemplo, la palabra “nine” se pronuncia “n-ay-n,” NO “ni-ne.”

3)   En inglés, el adjetivo siempre viene antes del sustantivo.

a.     Un sustantivo es un lugar, una persona, o un objeto.

b.     Un adjetivo describe un sustantivo.

c.      En español, se dice “Hay un gato pequeño.” El sustantivo aparece ANTES del adjetivo. Pero en inglés, se dice “There is a small cat.” El sustantivo aparece DESPUÉS del adjetivo.

4)   Siempre tenemos que usar los pronombres en el inglés

a.     Un pronombre es: yo, tú, él, ella, usted, nosotros, ustedes, ellos o ellas.

b.     En español, no siempre tenemos que usarlos porque la forma del verbo nos dice quien está haciendo la acción. Si yo digo, “Quiero aprender,” ustedes saben que YO quiero aprender.

c.      En inglés, la forma del verbo NO nos dice quien está haciendo la acción. Si yo digo, “Walks home,” no sabemos QUIEN está caminando. Tenemos que decir, “He walks home” para saber quien está haciendo la acción.

5)   En inglés, usamos el verbo “to be” (estar o ser) mucho. Solo usamos “have” (tener) con OBJETOS.

a.     Por ejemplo, en español decimos cosas como “Tengo calor,” “Tienes suerte,” o “Tiene razón.” Pero en inglés decimos, “I am hot,” “You are lucky,” o “She is right.” Usamos TO BE, no TO HAVE.

I'm pretty sure they make sense. They somehow sounded less complicated when I said them out loud than when I wrote them down. Basically (for you non-Spanish speakers out there), these are things like you always have to use pronouns in English - you don't have to in Spanish, because the form of the verb indicates who is doing the action. If you say quiero, I know you mean yo quiero (I want). Various cosas así. So that was what I had fun thinking about today. Tomorrow we're going to do a lot - review the alphabet and numbers, learn the structure of numbers 20-100, review our adjectives and colors that we have so far, through in a few new nouns, and some verbs so that we can add "I like to..." to our introductions that we will also practice during class. I'm thinking alphabet song, I'm thinking some fill-in-the-blanks on the board, I'm thinking some pictionary. I want to think of ways to move them around and get them doing different kinds of thinking - sometimes copying things down, sometimes answering questions I ask (with one-word responses, not the best, I know, but I think just word repetition is helpful), sometimes producing full sentences on their own. Hm. And yay. And I love them, and want to ask Erick and Edgar if there's any way we can continue during the curso de verano.

So lovely lesson-planning time on the azotea. Then check-in with Hayley (a jugo and a walk to the monument, some friendly reminders and a lot of affirmation from her. Aw geeze). Then off to the Museo to meet up with William. What a great day that was! (Picking this up now on Thursday evening.) Wow, tons of cool old Aztec stuff, and two very knowledgeable and awesome people to tell me all the cool stories behind each piece. My nerdy senses were tingling off the hook. William (have I explained who he is?) is a PhD student here at the Casa for 3 more weeks, in Mexico to find his dissertation topic, and to generally be awesome and also my new best friend. We made the trek back to the Casa on foot after our explorations in the the murky history of the Aztec empire. Took about an hour, perfect amount of time for getting-to-know-each-other talks, and for me to decide not to say anything as he smoked two cigarettes. Got back to find out that dinner would be an hour later than I thought it would be, so I took a jaunt upstairs to knock on the men's dorm (first time) to alert William that we did indeed have time for a taco. Whatever, he's just great to talk to. Super kind and value-oriented, but also funsies and hilurious. We are, in essence, besties. And he is super good at giving me a hard time, which is good, because I appreciate when someone can hold their own against my incredibly sharp wit. Anyway, community dinner, more funsies hanging out in the guest lounge. Linet and Gilbert pretty evenly matched (kind of... slash Linet has the edge) in a game of chess, William and I shared some music with the people around, whatever, great times. Generally a fantastic day.

So then Wednesday (yesterday) got up to finish lesson planning for Barrio, had a monthly planning meeting with the whole Casa team, and headed out to la Pastora con Brenda (Joey's friend who's going to teach dance classes there) for my third English class. It went alright. The coolest part was that I think it's what real school feels like. It was rainy, and the kids seemed pretty tired/distracted/bored, the three girls in the corner kept talking to each other in loud whispers, I didn't have as many jokes as before. I think it went alright though. I'm trying to develop a sense of where each student is, and I think I have rough outlines. Anyway, the best part was when I decided to stick around for Brenda's dance class. I hung out with Erick for a while, then Lessly got there and we practiced her English. It was cool, and I found out Erick actually understands pretty much everything I say in English unless I'm talking super super fast. Whatttt. But okay, so a bunch of the moms stuck around to hang out and watch the dance class happen (in a teeny tiny space, mind you). It was just so awesome to witness the community happening all around me. Around me, and TO me. People asked me questions and I made jokes with the moms about Erick's dancing. I feel so privileged, or lucky or something. It feels like i get to see a secret world that no one else knows about. And really, no one else in my world (except Olivia and Joey and now Brenda) has witnessed this place or these people, at least not to my knowledge. And that's pretty cool - that I get to be a part of it. So wow. On the way home, I noticed people passing their bus money from the back to the front, "Lo pases al señor, por favor?"

Last night I spent more quality time in the guest lounge, getting to know Crystal, who is super awesome. She's here to coordinate the IVCF (Inter-Varisty Christian Fellowship) group of college students who are at sites throughout Mexico, and is the coolest. Super great hanging out, getting caldo and a sope, talking Quakerism and music and spiritual challenge and exploration. I am super stoked for that friendship to continue. Today has been pretty mellow. Slash it started off pretty rough - breakfast, which I had not really prepared for and therefore some elements were stretched pretty thin (huevos and fruta, for example). Also wasn't really prepared for this discussion Medio Ambiente had about articles we were supposed to read. I got through parts, but hadn't read them as thoroughly as I wanted, and just generally felt like I was failing at life and everyone was going to hate me. But whatever, I got through it, and it was actually a cool discussion. We talked a lot about action growing out of faith/spirituality/listening to the way of the Spirit, and as action being a necessary component to demonstrating true alignment with the Spirit. Insert your own vocabulary where needed. Anyway, it felt like I was back at Pendle Hill, and it was really nice to realize that a space that has felt pretty secular so far can also hold spiritual talk like that. Something Quaker House never really became last semester.

Lounged around the rest of the day. Had a great time connecting with Linet and Lydia, then a lot of time with Joey. Looking forward to SLEEP tonight, mostly, before I can even think about everything happening tomorrow. It's been raining all day, so I'd like it to stop seeing as I can't cuddle with certain people, and go back to being sunny Mexico summer as opposed to Philadelphia spring. Nom. Can't wait for Mom to get here in exactly a week! Lots of hurrays about that one.

More soon, and love to errbody,
me

Absurdly disorganized catch-up. Huzzah.

**Majority of this entry written on the azotea, in the sun, on Monday, June 27.

WOW I cannot believe it has accidentally been so long since my last post. I feel like I've sort of gotten into a groove here, and at the end of each day it doesn't necessarily feel like there's tons of news to report, so I thought I'd save up a few days. Now it has magically been almost a week. Whoops! I guess also, having gotten more comfortable here, a lot of the day-to-day news is interpersonal relationship-oriented, still with fun new exploring and revelations sprinkled in here and there, and more general feelings of contentment.

So let's see, last Wednesday I taught my first English workshop at Barrio, Thursday I helped Alejandro with breakfast and went to the Medio Ambiente meeting and then pretty much lolled around all day trying to recover from multiple early mornings, and Friday I worked the first shift and headed back to Barrio Activo. The weekend was good, too, kind of chill, but also a lot of being out and about which I liked. We stayed in Friday night as we were all super exhausted (and lame, I know, I'm sorry), but it was actually super great hanging out with Linet and Joey. Saturday I went to the tiangis with Hayley to buy breakfast eggs, tortillas, cheese, and also some delicious aguas and cornbread for our breakfast. A little later we headed back out to go to Pride, which was my first one, and therefore pretty great. There were some moments where I was pretty caught up in the complete, unbridled joy being expressed, and also moments that gave me goosebumps with their sadness and profundity. A group chanting, "Queremos ser papás. Queremos ser mamás." A lot about respect and love and non-discrimination, inclusiveness.

Next Hayley and I made our way to the metro to get to a park where the Day of the Refugee was being celebrated with lots of different kinds of performances. We got there in time to see some capoera, which was super cool, and then for the play put on by the refugees who take spanish classes at the Casa. So that was cool. We got back in time for me to make some quick dinner and grab a shower before it was my turn to work the third shift. Third shifts are generally boring and/or include a lot of creepers going in and out of the Casa, either for the English chat on Fridays or just in general because they like to harass white girls working at the desk when no one else is around. Lucky for me though, mine only had one creeper who I successfully got rid of pretty quickly (I am a huge a badass), and lots of friends coming to hang out with me. So the time passed pretty quickly, but I still really really prefer first shift. It sucks getting out of bed, but then I really like being in the center of the action, feeling like there's a reason I'm behind the desk, welcoming people, getting to see my friends go off to work, exchanging good-morning greetings and besos with the cleaning ladies and with my favorite guests. Ugh it's so sad when long-term guests leave. Even when someone's just here for a week or so, you get used to having them around, and it feels weird when you can't see them anymore.

Anyway, Saturday night Linet and Gilbert (Lydia's bro) went out on our own to try and find this random party Liselot was going to. We actually found it pretty easily, although it didn't really feel like the safest place in town. By the time we got in, it was still pretty lame. The night got a little more exciting though when a couple of the guys who seemed to be hosting decided that Gilbert looked to young or too white or too male (or all three) and asked him for ID. Basically, it was okay for a while, but then he came back and asked Linet and me if we spoke Spanish (G-money doesn't), and started giving us all this bullshit about a photocopied ID not being good enough (which is completely ridiculous - lots of Americans don't carry around their real ID in case you get robbed). I thought it best to bring Liselot over (being the most fluent and the most adult and grown-up looking of the three of us), and whatever, the guys were just worried that if they got raided by the cops and it looked like they were serving alcohol to an underage white American guy they would get in trouble. It sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me, and I was actually pretty pissed because it was clear that, even though I think Linet and I look pretty young, too, they weren't giving us any trouble because they apparently see young white women as an asset to the party, while young white guys are not. 

Anyway, it really wasn't that big of a deal, and they were finally satisfied when they realized that G-money's birthday was on his ID, and whatever. We stayed and hung out for a little while longer, and it was actually really great in a way. Linet and Gilberto and I found ourselves having a big conversation about our siblings. There seem to be some similarities between the relationship between Gilbert and Lydia and the one between Ryland and me. Two very different siblings, who have had a close relationship but are still in the process of figuring out how to relate to each other as young adults who aren't quite ready to be friends, but still have a long history together. Anyway, so that was cool. We soon decided to leave because, whatever, it was just kind of lame, and embarked on the adventure of hailing a cab that would be the right kind of cab - ID on the window, meter in the front. We must have flagged down eight or nine before G-money found one to his satisfaction, which I was totally fine with. He pretty much handled the hailing and the waving away when it didn't meet his/our requirements, but we finally all piled into the back of one that would take us safely to la Condeza, a more European and middle to upper-middle class part of town with a lot of bars and cafés. 

Oh my gosh, so I'm just realizing that I've accidentally gotten really deep into describing the details of this night, which ironic because it's not even that interesting or important. So ANYWAY, trying to wrap up, we hung out for another couple of hours at a pretty cool bar, and it was funsies. We got home safely, exchanged some goodnight hugs, and went to bed for some much-needed sleep. Sunday I woke up to go to an artisan market called something like la Ciudadela with Lydia, G-money, and Linetskies, and that was pretty cool. We walked around for a while looking at awesome brightly colored stuff, then headed back to the Casa before going back out for lunch in the Roma. Lydia and Gilberto and I made the adventure in the rain, achieving some success at sharing one umbrella between the three of us. HA. We got home around 5:30 and I was beat, so I lounged around with Linet for a while, avoiding the overwhelming potluck that I seem to not participate in super often. Had a really great conversation with William, a grad student who's with us for 5 weeks to find a topic for his dissertation in art history at COLUMBIA (no big deal). He's just the nicest guy ever, really buena honda (which just means like, you get a really good vibe from someone, you can tell they're legit). Ooo, and this takes me back to filling you all in on the really more interesting Wednesday through Friday of my week last week.

So Wednesday, like I said, I worked the first shift, then grabbed some lunch before heading out to Barrio Activo. I will also share that I received a super nice mensaje from a friend wishing me lots of suerte in my first English class there. Yum. Anyway, so I was pretty nervous beforehand, just feeling like I hadn't planned enough. But also feeling like I really couldn't ever plan perfectly because I had no idea the proficiency level I would encounter when I got there. So 8 or 9 kids came, and we started off introducing ourselves, first in English, then in Spanish. Over the course of the lesson, I learned that all except one of the students (my friend Lessli) really needed and wanted to start at the very beginning with letters and numbers. So we worked on the alphabet song and things like that. It ended pretty well, I think, and Pati and Erick said it was great, and I was just excited that I got through the whole lesson in Spanish (I'm introducing more English phrases as we go on).

Got home to find Linet working reception. This is always a fun surprise, because I super do not keep track of anyone else's schedule. So we hung out for a while, and William and some friends came back from the pyramids, and he stuck around to hang out. Which was awesome, because it was the first time we had really talked to him, and he's awesome. It turned out he'd been looking for a guitar, and couldn't find either of the two that the Casa has because a) the Christians had left one in the sala de conferencias, and b) I had stolen one and was keeping it in my room. WHOOPS. I found him a little later in the guest lounge, and brought out the guitar to him saying, "I'm so sorry! Is there any way I can make it up to you?" He replied that I could by playing him a song, to which I finally agreed after enjoying him playing for a while. This was pretty cool, and also the fastest I've ever played for somebody after meeting them. He was really positive and affirming, and it was generally an awesome experience. A bunch of us hung out for a while, before Molly and Linet and I decided we needed to make french fries, then watch TV, then go to bed.

Thursday really not much happened during the day, although around midnight or so I saw one of my favorite guests for the first time in what seemed like a while, so it was super great to see him and catch up a little bit. Friday was pretty pretty great. I worked first turn, which was inSANE but awesome. My Columbian friend came to hang out with me a little bit before he headed off to search out a place to stay (Sin Fronteras was paying for him to stay at the Casa until Friday morning), so that was super nice. A little while after my shift ended, Joey and Brenda and I went to get the microbus to la Pastora (the neighborhood where BA is). I was honestly still planning out my lesson (I have to get better at thinking ahead), but it actually went SO WELL. Here's the thing. I was nervous that a ton of new people ere going to show up, because they announced the English classes at the basketball game on Wednesday and a ton of kids swarmed around me asking how to say random words and their names in English. ("Como se dice Cristofer?" "Christopher." "Como se dice Raúl?" "Um, Raul" and lots of other cute things. That was actually super fun on Wednesday, I forgot to say that - we went to see basketball after my English class, and introduced ourselves at the end, and I ended up hanging out with a bunch of different kids who all came over to me asking questions about EVERYTHING. Oh, I loved it and them.)

Anyway, the same 6 kids showed up from before, plus a new student who I knew from the guitar workshop. Lessli was busy doing other summer planning, which was actually good I think. I felt bad for her on Wednesday because she really does already know all the stuff that the other kids need to start with, so I told her we could meet before or after the class to just have a conversation in English to help her practice. Yay. Anyway, the the kids all showed up early! Which was scary at first, but then we just hung out while I got the space ready for our lesson. We started off introducing ourselves again (I think we'll do that every class - provides a practical purpose for the English they're learning, and I think they need it to be comfortable. Then we reviewed the alphabet - I asked people to tell me it line by line (about 5 letters at a time). I just keep thinking about my Ed class last semester, and how I'm sure I'm not integrating enough things all at once, or I'm missing something... but honestly I feel like I'm doing pretty well for my first run through. I know pretty much which students are struggling the most, and I tried to integrate them into the lesson - although by the end I really just had to let one little boy slide. He's the youngest, and I think was just overwhelmed by all the info.

Anyway, I was really excited because I made the kids laugh with jokes and here and there. AND even better, I told them pretty early on in the lesson to correct me if I made mistakes in Spanish, explaining that I was still learning the language. At this, my twelve-year-old friend named Alexha said in Spanish, "It will be like you're teaching us and we're teaching you!" Exactly. I'm really happy about this, because I don't ever want them to feel like I'm telling them that English is more valuable than their native language, or that I'm in any way better than them because I'm American and speak English. So I felt really good that they seemed to get that. Yay. So we continued with singing the alphabet song a few times through, practicing the English "arrrrr" sound (we pretend to be pirates) and the weird "thhh" sound necessary for some of them to say that they are thhhhirteen years old. We moved on to numbers, and I was delighted to find that they wanted to move beyond the 1 through 10 we learned last time, and go all the way to 20. Next time I think I'm going to explain about the pattern for 20 through 100, so we'll get all the way to 100. WOW. After we all took notes on the how to spell the numbers (I remembered to be clearer this time that they should write down what I write on the board), I asked them to tell me how many there were of a given object in the room. My favorite moment was when I put a handful of markers on the table, and they all dived to count them in rapid Spanish before looking up at the board to figure out how to say that number in English. 

I try to integrate other rules of thumb around this basic material. I worry though, because I don't want to be throwing out random information. I'm the kind of learner who needs things to be organized and presented in a logical way, so I'm really sensitive about not trying to jump around too much.

Speaking of not jumping around, this entry totally got interrupted (in the most pleasant way, of course) by my fave Hayley. We ended up talking for a while, then she headed off to the gym while I went dowstairs to check in with Linet (who had had a great day at CAM and had bought an extra muffin, just in case I wanted one. Which was good, because I did. And I love her) and play around in reception for a while. Then I headed back upstairs to get a sunburn and play some tunes on the roofy roof. Came down in time to Skype my mom and my Cope before running off to our weekly meeting in like a pretty gross state. Ran for a shower (I feel like I’m always saying that) before I got a big group together to get din dins out. Gorditas (literally means little fat things, likely because this dish is based on fried dough and meat and cheese) and caldo and a sope (split between me and my roomie), and cozy post-rain noms in the dining room with a bunch of the volunteers and our new best friend William.

Anyway, I’ma post this, and write the next entry about today and further thoughts on pedagogy (YAY) in the attempt to keep this all in some sort of order. Hurray and love to all,

me

Things things things.

Frienddddssss. I am having the best summer. Not to exaggerate or anything but... yeah. Okay, so not a ton of interesting things have happened to me since I last wrote, so I will just share some anecdotes, and then also some thoughts I've been saving up. More general reflections about cosas aquí. And also, I promised fun Quaker facts about the history of the Casa pretty much a really long time ago, so I'll get on that right now, too.


First, some anecdotes. 1) Sunday was pretty relejado. Recovering from the baile. Monday was also pretty chill, because I had no obligations until our weekly meeting at 6. So that was great. I lumped around and played a ton of music and ya. Our meeting was less boring the usual, I think because I could understand the spanish more, hurray! 2) Linet is the most hilarious and awesome person ever. I really hope she's doing okay, because she is often in great mood, but sometimes seems homesick or is just not having it. Obviously we're all going to have ups and downs, and I just want to make sure she knows she has support here, as well as from her fam bam at homesies. 3) Yesterday was a día larrrrrrrgo, but I always feel pretty much great and satisfied after a legit day's work. So I worked the first shift at reception, which I totally love. It's, yeah, a little painful getting out of bed al principio, but then I really love knowing what's going on and seeing everyone and cuidar-ing for the Casa. Also, I seem to be friends with Giovanni now, which I can tell because he pretty consistently was just messing with me all day, which obviously was SO much fun so. Hurray new frienddddd. 

4) Excerpt from an e-mail to my mommers: "Edgar and Erick visited yesterday to talk with Joey and Brenda about their roles this summer, and it was soooo great to see them. They were waiting in reception, and I went in with a big grin and said, "Hola, amigos!!" I still can't understand them all the time, but now I don't feel the slightest bit embarassed about asking, "Como?" which means "What?" and they also know means, "Sorry, I totally did not understand that. Slower please?" It was just so comfortable seeing them, giving them besos and abrazos (Mexican greetings seem to work as follows: men always shake hands; when women and men meet, they clasp hands and give one beso; when women and men see each other and already know each other, they give a beso and then a little or a big hug. YAY), and talking with them in a casual and fun and happy way. They are, in short, the best."

5) Went to a mercado with Molly to buy supplied for the dinner that Linet and I cooked (Molly served as total support and did little cosas here and there). It was really great to spend some more time with her, and play in the mercado, and talk to people in Spanish, and find all the thingggsss we needed to make minestrone and salad and Linet's mango deliciousness. Got back just in time to start making everything, which was only a little stressful once we realized that way more people were coming to din dins than we thought. But in retrospect, I feel pretty good about it. Yummy yummy foods. Linet and I cleaned up the mountain of dishes, which was also satisfying, then a group of us went out for a beer because Greta (awesome awesome long-term guest) is leaving tomorrow :/ But whatever, that was funsies. Got back to hang out with a new friend for a whiiiillleee. Which was pretty pretty cool.


6) Today I'm going to teach my first English class-type deal at Barrio. I'm  little nervous, but I think I'm prepared-ish. Just hard to know because I think there's a pretty wide range of proficiency, but we'll just see who shows up and how it goes. Yay.

And some thoughts I've been saving:

1) I realized at least one reason that the Spanish was so overwhelming there for a minute. Like my dad pointed out, I'm speaking mostly English in the Casa. The little Spanish I do speak I still get nervous about and do pretty clumsily. But so the biggest different between Spain and here is the kind of spaces in which I used/am using Spanish. There, the scary/vulnerable-making experience of trying to communicate in a language I'm not fluent in happened primarily in the safety of my Spanish home, or in the structured timeframe of IES classes with professors I genuinely loved and trusted. Here, English happens in what is already a safe space, the Casa, and Spanish happens rapidly and out in the world where people don't know who I am or my level of proficiency. So it's just that this inredibly vulnerable-making experence was happening so intensely in spaces that didn't feel as safe as the lunch-time table in 13 Cochera de Santa Paula. But it's okay, because those spaces are rapidly becoming not only safe, but beloved.

2) Excerpt from a conversation a couple of nights ago: "I feel like if I've learned anything from the past year, it's that sometimes (always?) the things that are the hardest and scariest before you do them end up being the moments you grow, and hopefully love, the most. And once you take the plunge you'll be so glad you did, and you'll realize that you were perfect for the job all along."

Um, excuse me. Did I just fall in love with Mexico, or did I just fall in love with Mexico?

Because I think I might have. Like a pretty hard fall. DAMN Barrio Activo, what you tryna do to me? I LOVE your ass, girl! (I will love every person who gets that reference).

The obra de teátro.

Anyway, so, what is all this gushing about you ask? Well, I will tell your ass, girl. Here's the thing, Barrio hosted this big event in this plazita near the center on Saturday. Basically the plan was for Erick to come pick up me, Molly, and Linet at 3:30, and of course I casually woke up at 2:42 after sleeping for about 11 hours. But hey, plenty of time to shower up and snarf some ramen and veggie concoction. And the best part is that Barrio people are usually about 20 minutes late, which makes me on time, relatively speaking. ANYWAY so the three of us headed out with Erick, who is crazy and therefore had just come from a big meeting and THE GYM. What? Whatever. So we all went to get on the bus, and we spent some of the ride resting up, and some of it making fun of each other about our music tastes (LINET), and some of it talking about the mariposas I had en mi estómago about the prospect of the baile that was about to happen at me. AGH. Happy mariposas, though, as I tried to explain.

Watchin.

So we get there, I introduce Molly and Linet to everybody, we go to help set up. After about an hour and multiple scalings of walls and telephone poles by Erick in order to secure a big tarp over the space in case of rain, the obra de teatro began. It was pretty cool, just one person being this character, and I didn't understand all of it but it was a lot about gender roles and the dangers of human trafficking, which are apparently related. It seemed cool and informative and the kids related to it (age-appropriate, that is). So okay, then I had to go to the bathroom before the impending obligation of two hours of dancing in front of people, and by the time I got back everyone was like THERE you are they've been CALLING YOUR NAME aaahhhh!!! So okay, so Erick tried to get me to come out and start dancing before things were even really completely ready to start, which was absolutely ridiculous and hilarious. Oh my goodness, I was pretty nervous and embarassed, because legitimately I cannot do dances with steps. I can hold my own in dark and alcohol-influenced Founders dances and Spanish discotecas, but no one wants to see that shit sober and in broad daylight - if I'm being perfectly frank. Which I am.

Ya amigas.

Best pareja ever.

So whatever, I was excited by nervous and WHAT. Thank God a few more of my friends (the chavos and chavas) joined in. Bah. But okay, so the thing started for real, and Erick pulled me out first on the dance flo (a cement plaza that Pati and Sandra had cleared of trash in preparation for the event). He showed me a basic step to something, and before I knew it he was spinning me around like whoa, and apparently I was able to look like I at least sort of knew what I was doing (according to Casa friends who may or may not have been being overly nice to me). Whatever, it was super fun, I was just grinning the whole entire time. And the hour just went by in a blur, slash I was like whoa out of shape slash at super high altitude with all the exercise, and there was a mix of fancy dancing and songs to which I could whatever American dance, and we had tons of fun whirling around and joking around and whatever. At half time the mc got each of the parejas to dance in the center for a little bit so the crowd could choose their favorites to continue in the "competition." Pareja 3 (that's us) got enough cheers to continue. P.S. I was definitely the only white person on the dance flo, and the other Casa ladies were the only guerras in the crowd. We drew quite a few stares from the little kids, which I answered with a big smile and a friendly Hola.

El maratón de baile.

Un@s chav@s (gender inclusive).

My man Edgar.

Sandra, mí, and Pati.

Erick y yo.

The next thing I remember the sun had set, and I had a moment of self-awareness like the one that hit me as I laid on the floor of the hammam in Rabat, being scrubbed down by a huge, old, topless Moroccan lady. Only this time, it was, Wow. I'm just little ol Annie Bee, white girl from central PA, and I am somehow dancing with the nicest Mexican man ever (and potentially the nicest man anywhere ever), in the middle of this plaza, in the middle of a poor neighborhood in Mexico City, surrounded by happy people who look different from me and have grown up so far away from a lot of what I know. But somehow, despite all the seeming differences and gaps in culture, I am here. And it felt incredible, unbelievable even, and perfectly normal at the same time. As dad said, that's just it - it's not incredible at all. It's totally real and possible and weirdly natural.

Anyway, so the thing ended at we got third place, and it was just the most fun ever. The girls wanted tons of pictures, and I wanted tons of pictures, and I just sort of kept dancing in place while we waited to figure out how to get home. Without wanting to assume anything, I felt like I was as much a part of the community as a gringa who has only been there for two weeks possibly can be. I talked to more new people, and they are just impossibly nice. Just the sweetest people you'll ever meet, doing the work of spreading love and care and awareness in a place that really needs those things. I am so in love with Barrio it's absolutely absurd. And it was the best day ever. And now I never want to leave.

Michael Jackson is the only way to cook breakfast.

Friends!

As those of you who know me best might have guessed, I don't really have much of a cruising altitude when it comes to emotions. When I'm at my lowest, you can pretty much assume that the next thing I will feel will not be a carefully measured step partway up, but will likely place me back on top of the world, at least for the time being. I feel pretty secure right now. Not so giddy that we need to worry about the cycle going around again too quickly, but just back in a secure place.

Now that I write that out, I'm questioning it. This week has been really great because I was sort of hazed out in a weird fog of apathy and wanting to go home-ness at the end of last weekend. So I have consistently noticed how much better the busy-ness as opposed to not. But then I guess I got unexpectedly overwhelmed with the content of the things I was doing. Anyway, today was just so super solid you don't even know. Cook breakfast with Linet, which was basically a riot. The key is obviously my glorious taste in music, which I think Linet doesn't quite appreciate yet. But we're working on it. Kind of. Slash I think she's stuck in her ways, but we can still be friends. Probably. ANYWAY, so it was a little painful to get out of bed, and she seemed sort of stressed before we got everything in place. But once we did everything went like clockwork, which is just the way I like things to go. We had things set up into stations, without even talking about it. It was great, it's like we both just have the same standards or needs for organization or something, so that made it easier. Add in my very special *Kelsey is a Babe playlist, and you have me dancing for Linet in the kitchen while she makes eggs. Slash we shared egg-making responsibility. Whatever, it just felt great to care for the house and the community, and connect with individuals and we greeted them and asked them if they would like queso with their huevos. We cleaned up with the height of efficiency, which left us spare time to make fun of Giovanni, one of our new favorite things to do. We also decided that we like doing breakfast, so we're going to see if we can switch things around to do it at least once a week.

THEN we set out on a long and hot and más o menos satisfying adventure to this particular market. I'm happy because I have food now, enough to actually make things with, and TOFU which I realize has become an important part of my life (thank you, Quaker House). Oh my goodness, I was so so tired when we got back though, and it took a little while for me to cook myself some lunch, so shewwww I did not reallllly want to go to Barrio by the time 3:30 rolled around. But here's the thing. This has also been a very music-filled day, another thing I realized is actually super important and good for me. Just listening to it and finding it and getting it - things I have a bad habit of never making time for ever. So Sasha told me about this thing which is currently in the process of changing my life (which apparently EVERYONE ELSE already knew about) where you can transform a youtube video into an mp3 file. I mean, whatever. That plus my Tiny Desk Concert podcasts, and my life just got better like whoa. The Avett Brothers and I officially have like a pretty serious relationship going on. At least for the 15 minutes they made music in the NPR offices. Like seriously, it's kind of a big deal. Anyway, so they took the bus with me to Barrio Activo. And I just felt so contenta once I got on that bus. It was my first time going by myself, and I just knew exactly what I was doing, and I changed my seat to sit next to a lady because I remembered that the left side of the bus is going to be super hot the whole ride because the sun comes in that side. And whatever, I knew exactly where I was going, and I wasn't scared about anything about the journey in the least, and the Avett Brothers put my soul into words so. Whatever it kicked ass.

Pati was waiting for me at the stop in la Pastora (the name of the neighborhood Barrio Activo is in), and she is just so darn motherly and caring it was great to see her. She calls me bonita, and we walked will our arms around each other for a little while, and she asked me all about my day yesterday since I had last seen her. And you know something? I told her in Spanish, it fue pretty bien. We got to their house, I greeted Edgar with a happy cheek-beso and a little hug (they do that here: the first time you meet, it's handshake + beso, the second time it's beso+ abrazito) and I made myself comfy on the comfiest chair. Then Pati, Edgar, and I each worked on our own stuff in different places in the room. Just like at home! It just felt familiar, and I felt the most comfortable I've ever felt. I journaled and said hi to kids as they trickled in.

So today I was there for Academia Barrial (adjective form of Barrio). Basically, Edgar does lesson slash team-building type stuff on values. Today was how to deal with conflict. It wasn't quite the same focus obviously as I've experienced before, but it was just so incredible, and obviously a lot better suited to where these kids are coming from. What is conflict about? How does it get resolved? What's at stake? Causes: interests (lo que se quiere), derechos (rights), values, and communication. Edgar said a lot of conflict happens because of mad communication. Ugh he is so great. And it was just incredible to listen to him talk to these kids, AND great to understand really most of what he said. And I understood the sentido of it, and I liked a LOT how it sounded in Spanish. I'm sort of floored by myself - just a week and a half ago I literally could not understand a word he said, and today I really got a lot of it. Plus, let me just say that what he said was way more nuanced, insightful, and INTERESTING than anything anyone else has said in a Spanish-language presentation, UGR classes absolutely included. And you know what? I absolutely adore being intellectually engaged in the content of something said in Spanish. Incredible.

So we did a few other activities which I might add more detail about later, but the point is that it was great being with the group. I felt pretty readily accepted, which is kind of amazing. Plus it was cool because at one point we were supposed to work on a big drawing addressing what we'd talked about, and the kids were kind of either standing around awkwardly or fucking around with each other, and so after much prodding from Edgar I kind of tried to make a few suggestions to get us started. I felt pretty good, because it worked! I took the first step, but then I backed off so that the project would really be theirs, which I felt like was important. Yay first teaching-ish experience :)

So after we wrapped up Academia, we talked about the event tomorrow. This is was fun for lots of reasons. A) I got to hear them talk about welcoming new volunteers who are coming today, and they're just so thoughtful about everything: the fact that we're coming from a different country, making them feel like part of the comunidad... these were things that Edgar said explicitly to the group. B) Edgar decided that I will be dancing in the Maratón de baile tomorrow, and the whole group decided that Erick would be my partner. Just to clarify, Erick is super married with his first baby on the way. But so he was super cool about it, he was like listen, we're going to be the best partners ever. And I was like listen, I feel really bad for you, because I super cannot dance. The group said, no no it's okay, what's you're lucky number? So now I have a little number 3 to pin to my dress tomorrow HA. Plus Erick and I totally practiced before I left, and of course he's a great dancer, so whatever. And Linet and Molly are coming, so I'm stoked.

It was just a purely great day there. It definitely helped that my Spanish already seems to have caught on a little bit more, that I know basically everyone who was there, and that I was only there for a few hours. But whatever, I just was sitting there the whole time like wow, this is the most fantastic place that has ever happened, and this is so where I should be. It's really, really special, and full of incredible people. Easy bus ride home, then upstairs to try and figure out the tabs to Laundry Room (dear lord, we'll just see about that one), then out with Linet for ice cream before we snuggled in to watch Hercules and then the Social Network (which, wow. just, wow). So yeah. Good good day everyone. High fives all around.

In Mexico they serve mezcal at cultural events.

Absurdities in the plaza of Bellas Artes.

Hey friends.

First off, a big thanks and a hug of gratitude to all of you who have responded in really tangible, caring ways to the distress you perceived in these entries and other communications. I really appreciate it, and I don't want you all to worry too much. The struggles of being here are nothing to those that plagued Spring 2011, and they are much healthier, really productive struggles. And I'm reaching out for reassurance here in the Casa, too. So today ended up being just a really great day. I felt a lot better when I woke up, though still aware of how I had felt yesterday and the day before. I treated myself to donuts for breakfast (definitely a healthy move), and went to the Medio Ambiente meeting. It was cool to just hang out in a green space (one of the Casa's patios that I haven't spent much time in yet) with Sasha and Hayley.

Searching through literal mountains of furniture.

Anyway, so then Hayley told me that she and Jill (Nico's partner slash the recently ex-co-director of the Casa) were going to this furniture market thing and I was welcome to come. I had the day off essentially today, so I was looking to fill it up with Casa-y things such as this. Perfect. This place was ridiculous. Like Goodwill exploded all over the place. But it was really cool hanging out with Hayley and Jill. And on our way home from finding cool old dressers and chairs and plaid shirts, Jill asked me how Barrio was going. A few people had asked me that in the 24 hours or so since I started feeling really overwhelmed by it, and for once I hadn't said much. I said something about, well, I think Nico really loves it, and is living vicariously through me, so he's not totally in touch with how much I can do. Hayley said my job wasn't to do anything, but just to absorb stuff. And I said, well okay, he's overestimating how much I can absorb at one time. Jill asked me to talk about that more, so I basically told them both about my totally overwhelmed-ness, and being super hard on myself about Spanish, and how Nico just keeps raising the bar about how awesome I have to be at Barrio because it's so awesome and the interns last year were so awesome. Basically Hayley and Jill made me a feel a lot better. They both said, listen, Nico is really good at talking about how awesome people are, but he never tells them to their face. Jill was super sweet, and said that Nico has said that he thinks I'm really awesome, and really perfect for Barrio Activo. Hayley said they all thought I would be perfect there, and that Nico is just trying to get me excited about how awesome Barrio is, and doesn't realize that he's totally intimidating me. Whatever, they kept saying really nice and reassuring things about my Spanish and my awesomeness, so by the time we got home I just wanted to give them the biggest abrazos ever. I hadn't meant to start this whole flattering-Annie-festival, and I just was really appreciative of all the stuff they said. So we got home with me feeling just a lot better, though still pretty tired.

The important activist is on the left.

We got home and hung out with Lydia (who is awesome) in reception for a little while, until I suddenly realized that I had the room to myself and essentially ran upstairs for really a great hour of tocar-ing la guitarra. I am so so so so so happy that there are not one, but TWO guitars here for me to play with, and my notebook and everything. So glad I brought it. So whatever, it was totally great. And I put on a dress for the first time really here, because I was feeling defiant about the heat, and I went out in it later and felt a little funny but didn't get any unwanted attention or anything, so YAY MEXICO. Pretty soon Liselot got me to come with her to this event where apparently the most important human rights activist in Mexico was speaking. It was cool to get to meet him in everything, slash Hayley told me afterwards (she met us there) that she totally could not understand anything people were saying and that she was super bored. So I felt okay about having the exact same experience. Ha.

Hayley and Liselot being the cutest.

And the most ridiculous.

THEN we were served bocadillos (!!!) and vino and mezcal (tequila but not). I really couldn't believe it. Right, there's usually wine at art shows or whatever, but there were just these little shot-sized plastic cups of mezcal going around. I enjoyed my vino tinto though, and we lolled around talking for a bit before we heading out to the plaza enfrente de Bellas Artes to wait for Hector, of friend of the Casa and of Hayley and Liselot. After a while we changed tactics and walked to our final destination (he met us there), and it was sooooo great. Just had great conversations with Hayley, then she and Liselot left to make me talk to Hector, and he was just super great. We talked about traveling and the thrill of being able to communicate in a different language, and all this really cool stuff. He's just such a solid guy, and I could totally understand him and I pulled off my Spanish pretty well, and it was just a really great night. Hurray hurray metro ride back home, popcorn and girl time with Molly and Linet, harassing Copeland on facebook, nerding out with Jon William Sweitzer Lamme, making myself go to sleep so I can do breakfast with Linet tomorrow. Huzzah huzzah. Back to my world-conquering slash -loving self, at least for the moment. What an experience. Thanks to all for the love and concern, really. Also, I hope you can all enjoy this, because it totally just made me laugh:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UFc1pr2yUU

Lots of love,
me

Spanish-spoken love stories and the challenge of a growing self.

Actually today now. Let’s see. My first thing was just meeting Edgar here at noon to go back to Barrio with him to what I thought was a meeting about planning this big event they’re having on Saturday. What really happened was that he and Hayley and Nico and I met and hung out for a while, placticando de mi horario allí con ellos, and then I went with Edgar to a meeting at the police station. Sounds scary, but really Barrio is working with the policia to do events that get them into contact with the comunidad. It’s really incredible how many angles Barrio attacks social problems from. And they’re getting bigger all the time, which is really good, but they are super intentional about not letting stuff like having to meet with important people take away from the time they actually spend working with the población. They coordinate everything, and DEFINITELY lead actividades también. Edgar leads basketball every Wednesday and Erick does capoera (spelling) twice a week. AND they meet with the mayor of Mexico City. And teach values and nonviolence and responsibilidad. Jesus. Anyway, the policia are donating some stuff to the event on Saturday, so we were picking it up. They seem to kind of often fall through on what they promise, so from what I gathered Edgar is pretty good and trying to keep the pressure on in like a super friendly way. He’s really good at explaining context to me after we talk to somebody. Even though I was super out of it today and really unable to talk, I mean it obviously was really cool going places with him like an assistant (who couldn’t understand most of the meeting) or something.

Later we finally made our way to Barrio, again way before the actividad that I was allegedly there for was supposed to start. Here’s the thing – it’s great, it really is. I’m so grateful for this experience and these connections and the fact that I recognize the gas station I’m supposed to turn at to get to my bus stop from Barrio Activo. It’s just that the whole thing leaves me so profoundly exhausted. And I LOVE it, I do. Pati is officially like my mamá Mexicana, we talked for like an hour today and she is absolutely the sweetest, most caring person. She likes me to call when I get home to the Casa safe. All of them are so concerned for my safety. I don’t find it smothering at all. Erick asked me when he was walking me back to the bus stop at the end of the day, if I felt a lot of pressure from everyone making sure I was safe all the time. I told him it makes me feel loved, like I have these two Mexican dads and a Mexican mom, and a family and a community. I am really so grateful. It’s just that there is also an undeniable element of it being really hard – to understand, to speak, to be on and alert for hours on end without really knowing what’s going on. Yeah, it’s just trying really really hard to be present for six hours straight. When the plan was for me to be there for an hour, I thought. So I love it. I’m so happy I’m there. It was just a little tough for parts of today. I started out tired, and then realized that the class that I was there to see a) was not actually a class, but just a time when kids could come over to watch a movie, and b) started not at 3:30 but at 5. So okay. Super long. But I mean I am so glad I got to talk to Pati and play with their little almost-two-year-old son. I understood so much more of what she said, and I was able to tell her really a lot in Spanish without thinking about it that much. That was really awesome in and of itself, in addition to connecting with her. So yeah. That was important.

Got home though just so so wiped. Erick and Edgar walked me to the stop (well, Edgar most of the way), and I really feel so warm and fuzzy about the immediacy of their care and concern for me. Touched, that’s what I am. Moved, even. Because I didn’t do anything to earn or deserve it. But, ugh, just I misunderstood the question Erick asked me, and I started talking about this whole other thing which is sort of a charged topic. Which I’m fine with that – had that been what he was actually asking about, I feel totally comfortable being honest about the fact that I feel different here. I just thought he was asking if I felt strange here, “Te sientas extraña?” I finally figured out that he was asking if I felt weird, or strange, about how concerned he and Edgar and Pati are about my safety, asking me to call, and sort of physically guiding me through the street, pulling my arm and stuff. Once I understood him I explained that I actually love all of that, that it makes me feel so good and safe and cared for. But I couldn’t figure out fast enough how to say that I hadn’t understood his question before, so I just really hope that he doesn’t think I meant any of that about my experience with Barrio Activo. I’m sure it’s fine, it’s just the kind of thing you can mull over a lot on an hour-long busride home. The stress and the exhaustion and the embarrassment I was feeling made me pretty touchy when I was starting to make dinner and tell Linet and Molly how my day went. At a certain point I just lost it, said, “Fuck it, you guys, fuck it. I can’t fucking do this,” and honestly pretty much stormed out of the kitchen and out of the Casa, and just turned around and said, “No” when Linet came after me. I just needed to walk, so I did. I walked and walked to this nearby park. And then just sat there for a while. I realized it was the first time I’d just had time and space really and truly to myself, and how hard this whole thing has been, in spite of it’s simultaneous really incredible-ness.

I told someone yesterday that I’m really not doing service work here. Honestly, the person who’s going to benefit the most from my time here is me. I felt weird about that when I first realized it writing the application (isn’t that selfish or something?). But I realized today that just because I’m not actually saving the world by being here doesn’t mean there’s anything easy about it. Just because I’m the only one benefitting doesn’t mean that it’s all fun and games. It’s amazing, yes, but a fucking legitimate challenge, too. So if you’re going to be impressed by me and the “work” I’m doing here, be impressed by that. I’m not saving anybody. I’m just putting myself through the wringer, and managing a genuine smile la mayoridad of the time.